How do you handle finances in your [or in a] marriage?

Question

My husband and I are kind of in a struggle for 'control' of the finances. He makes a lot of big decisions without me yet makes no payments [he works but doesn't physically handle the finances] on bills. While I understand he's trying his best to do what's right it's very frustrating. I would love for us to have one person 'in charge' [particularly me--LOL] who does everything [pays the bills and manages the accounts] but for us to discuss things together. This is the way it normally is but he has his moments when he just has an idea and he’s going to do it--without really knowing what he’s getting us into.

How do you handle finances in your marriage?

Do you have any suggestions on how we can be more successful and have less tension when it comes finances? We aren’t in debt and have excellent credit but it feels like we are constantly having to make our moves around mistakes or misunderstandings that my husband has/makes.

Thanks!

Answer 1

Your issue is simple: You do not have a budget. Most couples see this as a major point of contention, but it does not have to be.



You need to line out your income and outgo on a rolling, six month basis. Leave nothing out. Be sure to include entertainment, contingencies and NAME EVERY dollar.



Living without a budget, you are spending your money in a reactive mode. You pile up the bills, wait for the funds to cover them, write checks and repeat every week or two. This is the root cause of your distress, and causes your conflict.



By planning where and how everything will be paid, you will discover how much gores to debt, how much goes to recurring living expenses, etc. You will even find a way to have a savings account. WOW!

Answer 2

In our household I hold the purse strings, but that is mostly due to the reluctance of my wife to do so. We each take an allowance and the remainder goes into a "general fund" with which we pay bills, invest, etc. Big decisions are made together and neither of us have a say over what the other does with their allowance. It works for us, but I'm not sure it is the answer for you. My suggestion, based on what you have posted is to involve a professional. It sounds as if your husband occasionally has the "I'm the man, and I can do what I want" impulse, and it costs you. By getting an objective 3rd party involved (and I don't mean a friend or relative) you eliminate the risk of bruising his ego, and neither one of you is the "dominant partner". I can tell you, quite a few men dislike taking financial advise from their wives (makes them feel weak, and less of a supporter) Get help structuring your finances so that the major decisions are automatic, and when a questionable decision is made (by either of you) it is from a discretionary fund and the financial pain is limited. Moreover, it will help him get in the habit of saving before spending as opposed to the other way around, and you don't have to play the bad guy every time he comes home with a new toy.

Answer 3

Setup a Board of Directors with three Directors. (I am one of them)



Make a rule like no payments over $10,000.00 without the Board's Authorization



If you have to pay the cable guy $100 then you pay him.



But if he wants to buy a Jaguar then the Board has to approve.



You only need two votes to do something.



If you are ever in a deadlock (You say Yes and he says No) then you call the third board director (Me)



The third director is supposed to be impartial.

It cannot be a relative or a neighbour or anybody you actually know in person.



You cannot be in charge of the Finances.



Remember that.



How many female CEOs are in the Fortune 500?



Only if you make more money than your husband you can request that job.



I suggest you to buy Microsoft Money and try to do all the bill payments automatic.



Most banks have this option to automatically pay each month the phone company, the power company, the satellite television company and so on.



If some bill can be pay with a credit card automatically then setup that option.



Bill Payment is not really a job and nobody should be in charge of that.



Let the computers handle that.



Focus on your marriage.



If something out of the ordinary happens like one of your tires is flat and you have to call a mechanic to change it don't ask for a bill and do not pay it later.



Pay right there on the spot with CASH.

If you don't have that kind of money then go to an ATM.

If you don't have that kind of money in your bank account then you really need to start saving more.

Do not write checks for those kinds of things it will only make your life more complicated and your marriage will suffer.



Somethimes domestic devices break and you have to call someone to fic them.



Setup a budget for that too and handle your entire kitchen yourself.



You cannot really bring your husband to the table to discuss if you may need to buy a new blender.



Just setup a budget to buy a new blender each five years and you will be fine.



Your husband works hard for your money and you cannot tell him what to do with his money.



If he wants to go to China to the Olympics then let him.



He cannot tell you what to do with your money either.



I don't know if you have children.



I don't know if the house is yours or his or if both are paying.



If the house is yours then fix it yourself with your money.

If the house is his then let him fix it with his money.

If the house is his and yours then split everything (Related to the house) 50% and 50%



Infidelity is the NUMBER TWO cause of divorce.



Can you guess the NUMBER ONE?

Answer 4

My personal experience was that 52 years ago, starting out, I handled the money in my marriage. Didn't even think about it...just did it. My wife 52 years ago must have felt just like you. We were young, we needed everything, knives, forks, car, washing machine etc, etc. I was raised to pay cash, be frugal.... we argued about it a lot (not marriage threatening but situation needed work). One day I got mad and said, "OK you're so smart...you handle the finances!" I was confident we'd go bankrupt, bill collectors in line at the door....Ha! Ha! I'd show her. ((I love this story) Well...The bad never happened...she did it! For 52 years she handled the finances entirely...completly. Oh she charged a lot but managed somehow, I don't know how. If I needed or wanted something, I'd just slightly mention it and no problem. In retirement now I told her I wanted to put our grandson through college...she shuffled bills due, and wrote checks (and stopped charging) and we did it. A miracle, I tell you.

Answer 5

The best way to do it is to set up a budget that you can both live with. Not only setting up a budget is important, but sticking to it is too. Setting up the budget together, if you can do it without fighting about it helps. That way you are both accountable to what you spend. Also, each of you need to write down what you spend. Yes on a piece of paper. No cheating either. Good luck. Finances can be a nightmare if you don't both agree on them.

Answer 6

My advice may be this, get a funds that accomodates his spending judgements. Prioritize, first the fees, groceries and the different expenditures of residing that are necessary, then leave some for the discounts account. something could be chop up between the two one in each and every of you. provide him money to do with despite he feels is considerable or to splurge on himself for particularly some issues. thoughts-set him with this thought and see what he says. funds are continually a annoying subject in a marriage. I take care of the funds in our relationships and boy does my husband like to spend. it is a persevering with conflict yet we've come to the contract that i discussed above some weeks in the past and to this point it is working.

Answer 7

We do it this way:



We each have our own checking and saving accounts

We each have our own credit card.

We also have a joint checking account, joint saving account and a joint credit card





We each pay the same amount on the 1st of each month into the joint account. We use that account to pay all joint bills like gas/electric/cable. We also pay off the joint credit card from this account.



We use the joint credit card for all expenses like eating out, the movies etc.



We use our personal accounts for the balance of our personal money after we've paid into the joint account. We use our personal credit cards for our own items, gifts etc.



We NEVER have arguments about money!

Answer 8

MAKE IT SIMPLE AND START WITH THIS HOUSEHOLD BUDGET RESOURCE:



http://www.simpleplanning.net/Financial%20Calculators/BudgetPlanner.html